Ever since I was little, I've always felt like I don't deserve to be loved. I used to draw pictures of me standing next to imaginary perfect best friends who I could tell everything to. During recess I would hide in the bathrooms and cry because I was so lonely. Then I met two girls who I thought were my two best friends. We became friends in 5th grade. I'm 16 now. Last year, I became deeply depressed and suicidal. I cut my wrists to try and get their attention. They saw the slashes, I caught them looking at my arms when they thought I wasn't looking. They've never said anything. I'm still friends with them. We hang out on the weekends. They don't care about me. I worry no one cares about me. I always push people away when they try to hug me but really I want nothing more than to be held by someone who actually knows me- what I've done, what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. I think I'm falling in love with someone but I really don't want to because I'm fucking scared of human emotion. I don't believe my parents when they say they love me. I don't believe anyone. I have one dream that keeps me going. That one day, I will buy a white skirt and a white shirt, get on an old ten speed bike and sail off and end up wherever I end up. I'm so scared. but I'm pretending I've got it all under control. I wish I were brave enough to kill myself sometimes. I wish I were brave enough to let someone love me. because I want that so so so badly. Confess ID: 5vfe2k2f        Posted On: 11-Jul-2008