I just want to say a few things to get them off my chest: CTV, you were the most exciting guy I ever knew. I thought you were brilliant back then, and still think you could outdo just about anyone. But you were a selfish user and I'm still having trouble getting my mind straight from all the games and guilt and ultimatums I went through while with you. I know I probably asked for it. And I loved the sex even though it was forbidden. I don't care if you had my sister before me. I DO care that you were always in love with her, and I HATE that I would have run off with you if not for the fact that you admitted to still being in love with her at the end of that week. For all I know, you just wanted an easy way out. You probably just wanted ME to end things. You are a religious fanatic. Not me. You almost succeeded in brainwashing me, but not quite. Nice touch, though, adding sex to the indoctrination. The first time you touched me, maybe you don't know this, but it was the first time anyone had touched me like that. Time literally slowed down. I was drunk with the sensations your fingers caused. You could get me off within minutes, something no one has ever been able to do again quite so easily. Yet everything was religious, and that kind of creeps me out. It made me doubt everything I knew to be true, but after you ran off, none of the things you told me sustained me, they were lies. All I had was my old faith. You still owe me money. You owe a lot of people an apology. Please tell me how special I was, and admit to how fucked up that summer was, because it's still with me all these years later and it costs a lot to have these demons excercised. Admit to being a user and a selish prick and thank me for all I spent on you and all the energy I sacrificed for you and all the pleasure I was so eager to give you. Apologize for just leaving town like that, without a word. And don't talk to me with your new church-talk. ‘Thou' and ‘thee' are so lame. I hate your hypocrisy and duplicity. If I saw you on the street my knees might shake and I might have a panic attack, and I dread the eventuality of stepping out of the metro and coming face to face with you, so I will probably pretend not to recognize you, then as soon as I'm out of sight I'll have my little breakdown. There is just too much unfinished business in my heart to be unaffected by you. So I hope I never see you again. I don't want to risk talking to you and exposing my weakness to you again. You will not manipulate me again. Confess ID: mnfpzk6d        Posted On: 21-Nov-2008