No one who knows me would guess it but I can't stop being insanely, irrationally jealous. I was always very pretty but now I'm hotter than 99.9% of the female population due the extreme amounts of effort and money I put into my appearance. Everyone who knows me thinks I'm just a "girly-girl" but my vanity is due to insecurity. It's not enough for a guy to want me - I need them to want no one else too. This is impossible of course. I know it's impossible but it doesn't stop my heart from breaking when a guy I'm seeing mentions how hot some random girl is, or has a poster of f***ing Nicki Hilton on the back of his bathroom door. I go out with guys who are far less attractive than myself. Even if they do acknowledge the fact that I'm better looking than them I still feel like shit. I feel like I'm never enough. I push people away because I'm insecure, but they see me as being pretty and clever and intense and so they just assume I'm cold hearted. I'm not cold hearted, I'm just sad. How can I stop being like this? It's exhausting. Confess ID: qr2cj1xi        Posted On: 20-Aug-2008