Confess ID : ftijd4vn
I have given up every last shread of self respect for my boyfriend. He wanted head, I gave him head. He wanted anal, I let him and it hurts like hell every time, but still I let him. He wanted me to lick his asshole while he jerked off and came on my face and in my hair. I did it and I let him. Aside from the perverse kinky sex he makes me do, he treats me very well. He buys me nice things, sends flowers for no reason. He tells me I am beautiful and the only woman who has ever understood his needs and been willing to do the things he wants in bed. He said he will love me forever for understanding his fetishes. But now he wants to do me doggie style while I blow his best friend, and I just don't know when it is going to be enough. How much more humiliation do I have to suffer so you can get off? Don't you see that everytime I give into your fetishes it kills a part of my soul? I love him so much. He is handsome and smart and on the outside seems like everything a woman could want. But the sex stuff makes me feel like a toy to him. It humiliates me the things I have done to satisfy him. His friend is coming over tonight, and so my confession is this. Even though it hurts me to do these things, if it is what he wants, I know I will end up doing it. I can't bear the thought of losing him and he knows it. I just wish he understood. He says he loves me too but this is just what he needs to really enjoy sex and if I am that bothered by it, maybe I should find somebody more my style. God it tears me apart loving him this much.
Confess ID : uewjltyn
I just went with my mom to my university health center to get tested for mono. I'm always really tired because of my workload and lack of sleep, so my mom thought I might have mono. The nurse asked me a zillion questions about allergies and whatever, and when they came to the sexual history part my mom left the room and everything, but I still lied about having had oral sex. My mom doesn't know I am dating anyone, because she would disapprove of him.
I don't know, the nurse asked "are you sexually active?" and I said "yes" automatically, and then she was like "what kind, anal, oral, vaginal?" etc. and I got all confused and said "well no none of those" and she was like "well is there any exchange of fluids" etc. and I went "uhh I don't think so" I was so uncomfortable. And then she gave me the whole "don't be pressured" boundaries etc. speech, which always makes me think maybe I'm being pressured even when I'm not.
Ugh I just never thought it would come to this, with my mom and lying and people wanting to know whether they should test for hepatitis and ugh. it made me feel really dirty and vulnerable and ashamed and stupid and naive. I guess it was really the STD part that shook me up, even though I know I don't have any (I'm a virgin and he got tested before we did anything). I have kinda mixed feelings about admitting I've had oral sex, and it's not my favorite but I don't mind it. but I don't think that part irked me so much.
I guess it just made me think about how I used to assume that the first time I'd have sex would be a stable and happy time in my life, and in reality how unstable and often miserable I've been this year. I am very confused within myself. but maybe this helped. Thanks for reading.
