I'm 16 years old. I honestly strive to be a good person, but I've messed up too many times for that. In my past relationship, which lasted 5 months, we did some things that we shouldn't have done. Yes, I'm still a virgin, but I hate the thought that I gave in. I hate the thought that sexuality clouded my mind. I hate the thought that I can't take it back, but I've accepted it. That's not all. I did something else, but this was my own fault. No one else's. I looked at pornography from time to time while we were dating, and by God, I can't believe I did this, but I did. I lied about it. I lied. She asked me numerous times while we dated if I ever did, and I said no, I'm not like that. Look at that crap. I just can't believe myself. I hate it. And so, because of that, our FRIENDSHIP, which occured after we broke up, is gone. She hates me and told me to burn and rot in hell. .. we haven't talked for a little while. Exactly ten days, as a matter of fact. And between you all and me, I won't break that until exactly one month, which is what my best friend reccommended. So I'm gonna wait. And on May 17th, I may try and apologize again. Spill my heart and ask fro forgiveness to someone who has done worse than I ever have. But her mistakes shouldn't be brought into this. You know why? Because she told me everything. She told me the truth. And I betrayed her. IM SO AWARE OF MY MISTAKES. I've never been more aware. And so I changed. No more pornography, ever. I don't fucking care if you don't believe me. I feel like such an asshole. Sometimes I'm alright but now.I just dunno. It sucks, you know? How the past always comes back, and how in the heat of a moment you can lose something dear. I don't ever want to make that mistake again. My virginity is important to me, and I don't want to just throw it away. So there you have it. Me and my girlfriend went to "third base" I guess you could call it, and we shouldn't have. I don't even know if she cares, or if she regrets anything or even REALIZES how wrong it was. Because now she's moved on, and is already liking another guy. That's really fine honestly, he's an awesome dude and I'm happy for them both. I just hope she learned something. That things just shouldn't be rushed. Sexual feelings are natural, but we shouldn't let them cloud our minds so much. Easier said than done, right? Yeah. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. And damn it, I'm gonna try my ABSOLUTE hardest to never let crap like that poison a relationship till I'm good and ready to move on to those next "bases." So there you go. My first confession. Thank you. Confess ID: z4ygcmk1        Posted On: 30-Sep-2008