I've always looked down upon depressed people. I thought that they were feeble minded pathetic idiots. But I've grown increasingly depressed lately. I don't understand why, my life is working out so well for me. I'm popular, good looking, and in the smartest high school in a major metropolis. My family is getting richer, I have more stuff, I have a pretty big bank account, I have an understanding family. Why then do I constantly get offended at little things? Why can't I socialize anymore? When someone talks to me, my mind go blank and I can't find anything to say back. I feel like my childhood spirit is dead. My creativity, imagination, all dead. Sometimes, when I'm in the elevator alone, I wish the cable could snap, and the elevator could fall. But yesterday, the elevator almost did, and I saw my life. and I begged God to let me live. How pathetic, I wish for death and beg for mercy. I'm on the verge of dropping out of my school even though I'm the top student in most of my classes. I hated the cliche "nobody understands me" but that's how I feel. I feel like I'm disappointing my family. Do I have depression? As in chemical.. oh never mind. If I need to depend on drugs to keep me sane and upbeat, I'd rather die. I feel like none of my teachers will write me a good recommendation because I've missed so much school. That means I won't get into a top college, even though a top college atomosphere is exactly what I need. I want to study what I want, when I want. I don't like the public school system where I feel like in a class of 30+ kids, nothing I say matters. I hate how in my classes, the teachers can barely get through their lesson plans. I hate how no one recognizes my uniquness. I know I'm being selfish right now. Everyone is unique. I always care about others. My friend was bullying some freshmen the other day, who saved them? I'm not going to say that some girls in my class arent fat/ugly, but it's not fair how they are ostracized because of it. I say hi to them and talk to them when they are sad. I'm not a selfish person, I want to get rich like most people, but I want to get rich so I can give the money to my family back in my mother country. I want to get rich so I can help out all the underdogs in this world. I pray to God everyday for wealth. I am not praying for success so I can live a good life. If I am I billionaire, I want to live in an apartment. I want to use my money to help the needy. It is infinitely more satisfying for me to buy my uncle a new mercedes than to buy one for myself. It fills me with a burning estacy to see someone's life improve because of me. My life's philosophy is to unscruptously give. Success comes from giving. Colleges don't care about this. I don't have a library to give to Yale like a former senior's father did, so I won't get in. Confess ID: 4343cgbp        Posted On: 26-Nov-2008