Something isn't right. I always feel so close to just passing out or just lashing out at people around me. I'm exhausted. This is too much for me. It's a very unstable balance. My life is held together by tiny threads. Every day is the same I get up at 5:30. I drink a diet coke and go to school. I go to class and try to stay awake until 12:30. Then I eat a piece of string cheese, 3 crackers, and another diet coke. I leave school and go to rehersal for 3 hours. I come home and run a mile or two on my treadmill. Then I do homework as late as it takes. Usually I'm in bed around 1. If anything is thrown off if I get 3 hours of sleep instead of 4 if I forget my diet coke, I fall apart. I passed out at school once because I didn't have enough sleep/caffeine. The weight isn't entirely gone. I'm 40 poudns thinner than I was, but I'm still not skin and bones. And there is no one that will realize I'm not healthy. The physical stuff isn't nearly as bad as what's going on with me emotionally. I will always resent my parents for not noticing how unhealthy I am. They ask me what's wrong or why I look so anxious. They forget that I've struggled with an anxiety disorder my entire life. They forget that I'm obsessive compulsive. There is nothing worse than having those closest to you forget or ignore something like that. They ask me, why do you have to do that in sets of 7? Because I'm fucking obsessive compulsive. I have been my whole life. You took me to the doctor when I was four because I wouldn't leave the grocery store until I had wakled down each isle 7 times. You still ask why I do things 7 times. Are you my mother or a fucking strangeR? Jesus fucking christ. I can't take this much longer. I'm so sick of no one noticing that I don't eat or that I am having a nervous collapse. They think I'm fine because I'm always with friends and because I'm thin and they think that means everything's good. I am falling apart. I am begging my mother to notice. She never will. Even if I tell her, I'm not ok, I need help, she says, "i don't know what to do," I love her, but I will always resent her for letting me live with these issues and not doing shit to help me. Confess ID: oglvwdbc        Posted On: 07-Aug-2008