Confess ID : bcd1dcjz
I have felt like my best friend doesnt really want to be friends, and for a while has been quite dismisive and cold towards me, even last night when it was my birthday she was chatting away all night to all my friends but not to me. i felt really very sad and i told her last night that i didnt think we could be friends any more because it is too painful. she didnt understand and told my sister to take care of me. today i called her up and she didnt want to speak to me, but i called anywy and spoke to her fiance and then she picked up the phone and was really really angry and then shouted and cried and put the phone down on me. i feel awful about it, but somehow at the time it felt the right thing to say beause i felt so much pain. i dont know what will happen now. i am trying to be mindful of the present moment and just take each moment as it comes. but its hard to think positively when your feeling like shit. i guess time passes and what happens will happen, but it now seems like its all totally grown into something massive and horrid and even more painful than the situation was before. all i keep on thinking was i wish i could revert the time. but i know in my heart you cant, and sometimes you fuck up, and you have to deal with the consequences. friendship can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but it can also at time be so so painful when it breaks down. do we risk that horrid feeling for the good times? or do we keep things simple and more distant but less real?

Confess ID : xa6vf1lb
My friends always check out skinny, "hot" girls at the beach, but they are boring to me. I try to be sneaky about checking out the big girls because I'm afraid it'll draw to much attention if I make a big deal about it. that's because my friends say mean things about them. I'm always bummed out that more people aren't as accepting of big girls and then the big girls don't realize that there are more people attracted to them than they think. I've talked to a few other people I know that think they are beautiful, but not many. I wish I could go to the beach and see big girls in bikinis and being comfortable and having a good time. That would be so hot to me. Usually they are also the girls with the best personalities.. I know that's what people say as a cop out about how they look, but I think they are beautiful on the outside too. So it's dumb that they are the girls that would be the best girlfriends but are too shy or suspicious to take it serious. I hang out with a "popular" crowd but most of the kids I've known my whole life. Most of them are shallow, selfish and stupid. In the past couple years I've tried to spend less time with them, but it's hard to break away. The people I would rather spend time with don't trust me because they think I'm like all the other jerks. I just want a REAL girlfriend. A girl that I think is beautiful (not what my friends think) and is a good person. I see that personality more in bigger girls, besides the fact that I'm attracted to them. But it never works out. They won't give me the time of day.