A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around." - in
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit." The doctor replied, "My point exactly." - in Crazy Jokes
The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog." And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate." The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair." The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half. So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!" - in Animal
Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.
Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.
Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
- in Crazy Jokes
A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf. The man has a little dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up on its hind legs and walks around in circles.
Amazed, the friend says, “Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?”
“Somersaults,” the man says.
“Somersaults!” the friend exclaims.
“That’s incredible. How many does he do?”
“It all depends on how hard I kick him.” - in Sports
Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played on in the past or are currently playing on to the owner of the course being played.
Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered to be a private course.
The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
Players are also advised not to play on courses where there is no bush surrounding the hole.
Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.
Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
You do not have to let other players play through.
It is not advisable for two players to attempt the same hole at the same time. - in Golf Jokes
A man, who has just died, arrived at heaven’s gate. Before allowing him entry,St. Peter at gate askedHave you ever loved a woman?Man: NoSt. Peter: Did you have any friend you cared for Man: NoSt. Peter: loved any pets then?Man: NoSt. Peter: ’What took you so long to get here then’ - in Mix Up
Boss: Where were you born ?Babbal Singh: Oye Punjaaab.Boss: Which part?Babbal Singh: Oye, Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab. - in Idiots
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians. Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly. All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. "I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check. The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he was a saint." - in Family